By Robert Scucci | Updated
What do you get when you combine the grace and elegance of gymnastics with the discipline and precision of karate? There is only one correct answer to this question, and it is from 1985. Gymkata – one of the most unintentionally hilarious martial arts films you’ll ever see. I know this may seem like hyperbole, but I’ve seen every late-career Steven Seagal movie that trash Walmart has to offer, so I consider myself an involuntary comedy expert; a title that ruined my life because I’ve watched so many films ironically that honestly I don’t even know what I really like anymore.
Gymkata may not be available through any streaming subscription services, but it is available through on-demand purchases. That’s right, for the price of a Happy Meal you can watch this trainwreck of storytelling, fighting, romance, and strategically placed gym equipment in the darkness of your living room if you’re willing to drop a few points of IQ.
The terrible game
Based on the pulp novel written by Dan Tyler Moore Jr. in 1957, The terrible game, Gymkata is a messy film that’s impossible to look away from. Featuring the acrobatic maneuvers of Olympic gymnast Kurt Thomas as Special Intelligence Agency (SIA) contractor Jonathan Cabot, I have to admit that a number of the fight sequences are well choreographed and will hold your attention. But like most fight films starring someone who is an athlete first and an actor second, the narrative falls apart in favor of stunts and beatdowns while most of its dialogue and sound exhibition seem like an afterthought.
Centered around a ruthless sporting competition known as “the game”, Gymkata attempts to concoct a story about international relations with the fictional country of Parmistan. Jonathan is approached by the SIA to participate in the Game, a 900-year-old tradition that has never had a winner. Those who win the game are not only allowed to live, but are also granted a wish at the end of the competition, which is a sort of convoluted race of survival of the fittest with no clear rules as far as I can tell.
The wish
Like most action films set in the 80s, the threat of nuclear war is the driving force behind Jonathan’s participation in the Game. Working under the direction of the SIA, Jonathan is tasked with winning the game which has cost his father his life so he could wish for the United States to install a satellite monitoring system in Parmistan that functions as an early warning system for possible future nuclear attacks.
Training under an oriental trainer (Tadashi Yamashita) and a Parmistan princess named Princess Rubali (Tetchie Abayani), Jonathan develops Gymkata, an unconventional fighting method that combines gymnastics and karate so that he can have a competitive advantage in the next match.
If you thought there would be punching bags and long jumps during the workout montage, you are sorely mistaken. Most of Jonathan’s training involves telling him to listen to the wind while he is forced to climb the stairs with his hands for some reason. While I can’t say this is a conventional way to prepare for a deathmatch competition, I can’t argue with the results after watching Gymkata.
How practical!
I could enter Gymkata Convoluted plot about the coup staged by the Parmistan king’s right-hand man, Commander Zamir (Richard Norton), to overthrow the government by changing the rules of the game to ensure no one wins, but everything you need to know it’s that the rules are broken, and it’s up to Jonathan to survive and win so he can get his one wish granted for the sake of national security.
And how does Jonathan fight the various Parmistan henchmen and warriors, you ask?
Luckily for Jonathan, when he’s chased down a dark alley that leads to what one might think is certain death, it turns out there’s a high bar for him to flip, turn, and turn. get out of trouble. I was initially worried for Jonathan’s safety when he found himself surrounded by a group of terrorists and warriors in the town square, but those worries were quickly erased from my nervous brain when the discovery of a conveniently placed pommel horse on which Jonathan could also return. , turn and get out of the mess.
Functioning primarily as a means to showcase Kurt Thomas’ gymnastics and martial arts skills, each trap or ambush in Gymkata has some commendable choreography, but is placed throughout the film in a way that makes very little sense while still being a lot of fun to watch.
Watch Gymkata
Gymkata has most certainly earned its place as a cult classic and is certainly a film worth seeking out for its inherent entertainment value. The story arc (or lack thereof) may leave a lot to be desired, but between the game’s competitors being violently thrown off cliffs and splashing loudly on the rocks below, the game’s unique and confusing form of martial arts combat Jonathan’s mixed ways and his ways of Flirting with Princess Rubali through the execution of various flips and gyrations, you will be amazed and stunned the next time you need to change your mind and just let Gymkata it happens to you.
If you want to see Gymkata for yourself, it’s available on demand via Google Play Movies, Apple TV+, Fandango at Home and Amazon Prime Video. And if you want to further complete your viewing experience, you can also check out the RiffTrax version if you want to have a laugh at the commentary.
